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 Post subject: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 3:40 pm 
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Snaff:
16 years old. Anna was a bit alternative. She liked the Levellers, Doc Martens and Joss-sticks.
These were things alien and exotic to my naive senses. She was also more Catholic than the Pope, which was also an eye-opener.
The night arrived, and a romantic dinner of fish and chips and vimto was followed up by some heavy petting on her mad uncomfortable sofa.
Her parents had moved into a gaff about 3 times smaller than their old place, so it was floor to ceiling with boxes of old shit, like the lair of some kind of Holy Catweasel.

Anyway, finally, we made it to the bedroom. Surrounded on all sides by sad-eyed Jesuses (Jesii?), I plunged my unbelievably excited wang into her. After a while, it felt quite odd, like I was trying to force a mars bar into a fleshy eggcup. Then "PYANG"! Her maidenhead was rendered kaput and I finally got what all the fuss was about.

Sated, I sat back and held her in my arms, pausing only to ask her (and I shall always remember this) whether she had had the "Big O".
Her puzzled look told me all I needed to know. The answer was clearly yes.

I farted, and went to sleep.

As a side note, I used to use her da's computer, and in later years (we were together for nearly 4) I found a heartbreakingly tame porn stash on it while playing Minesweeper, which consisted of wholesome looking women showing a bit of nipple. He'd stashed it in a folder called "PIRVATE"(sic).

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:11 pm 
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Location: SAILING WITH ENYA
ARF

Some tiny 'cob' house in the middle of nowhere. I was with Leona in her parents bedroom. Except we weren't actually in the bed as her parents were away and Leona claimed they'd deffo be looking for clues of illicit fucking. So we were on the floor bumping and grinding very stop start to a soundtrack of my mate scuttling her mate in the next room across the landing and Leona's 19 year old amateur boxer brother kicking shit out of his mates downstairs and trying to keep silent so he wouldn't twig we were in the house and batter my skinny ass.
Leona held me all night. Fuck it was cold on the floor of that medieval house. During the long grey walk back to civilisation the following morning I decided I never wanted to see Leona again, but for some unfathomable reason (I think I liked her cum noises more than Leona's) I very much wanted to fuck my mates tart, even though he claimed she was very very unenthusiastic sex-wise. I did, eventually, and she was.

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:25 pm 
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Poetry. Did it lead to your predeliction for edgy hom bridge sex? Having to hump and be dead quiet like that?

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:26 pm 
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I'm going home, but it's going be hearty arf's all the way in my panza as I cut up clueless mings on M6

tomorrow I'll tell you about Samantha, who made this boy a man in 1986

keep it real gaters, peace out

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 4:57 pm 
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joggers wrote:
I'm going home, but it's going be hearty arf's all the way in my panza as I cut up clueless mings on M6

tomorrow I'll tell you about Samantha, who made this boy a man in 1986

keep it real gaters, peace out



You will have to go some to beat the romantic liaisons already described on this thread.

I hope yours involves candles.
Lit ones.


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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 6:16 pm 
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Joined: Fri Jun 24, 2011 1:06 pm
Posts: 97
Snaffles can`t actually remember losing his
innocence.
However, he vaguely recalls waking up in
an alley off Stanley St with a sore arse
and a pound coin clutched in his trembling
hand.


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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 7:09 pm 
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Posts: 954
It was a pound but in four 20p pieces and 50€cents
He was in bits cos he couldn't remember the exchange rate
Once a blue, always no sense
Now he's wandering round town looking for a rebate


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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Mon Jul 18, 2011 11:08 pm 
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redbone wrote:
Snaffles can`t actually remember losing his
innocence.
However, he vaguely recalls waking up in
an alley off Stanley St with a sore arse
and a pound coin clutched in his trembling
hand.


Aye, after yer ma paid me to curl one out on her face.

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 12:13 am 
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i was 16
she was a student goth probably about 17 or 18
i played a fuggen blinder at her mates party and had her in the sack in ten minutes
the slag!

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 11:59 am 
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I'm still waiting to find mine to lose it...even though I have two kids...

I think their conception was immaculate, at least that's what my wife might have said.


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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:17 pm 
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Let me tell you about Samantha from Swansea. She was 18, - I was 15, she was semi-goth in bangles and lace, I was paninaro man resplendent in ciao tweed trousers, paraboots and best company jumper. It was Easter 1986, Liverpool was the capital of the footballing universe, and my under 15’s team (The Admiral, from Admiral Street, L8 – Wavertree Junior Alliance no-marks) was going on an end of season beano to Butlins Pwllheli, - ie an excuse for the dads to get wellied under the auspice of a ‘junior football tour’.


Samantha was with her mate on side of the dance floor of the Viennese Ballroom, I schmoozed her by busting moves to Kyrie by Mr Mister and Rock Me Amadeus by Falco, then proved I was ‘street’ by knowing all the words to E=MC2 by BAD, whilst sipping a half of woodpecker cider. She got me another half and before you could say ‘remember all that agro during Shanks minute silence?’ we were heavy petting and dry humping to Kiss by Prince. A few more ciders and me and my mate Paul walked them back our chalet.

Paul’s bint ‘wanted to go outside’ which is woman speak for 'I’m fuggin off, he’s a bad tit’ – Samantha stayed and we started getting it on. I’d had a few close calls with local slags - Tina ‘next please’ and Jackie ‘big gash’ - but never sealed the deal. This time it was nailed on. It wont surprise many fans of the jogmeister that I was a natural, aside from letting her cover me in spammies (love bites to wools), I was a commanding presence in the chalet.

Turns out she loved the Karate Kid and thought I resembled Ralph Macchio, this explained why she was all starry eyed during our slow dance to the Glory of Love by Peter Cetera. We met for one more liaison the following night. Confidence sky high, I strutted into the bar to meet her, Huey Lewis blasted out as I ordered two halfs of strongbow, exuding my new found sexual majesty…like a man who KNOWS he’s going to be parading his used nodders like a Victoria Cross later that night.

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:40 pm 
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Beautiful...almost.


Did you parade your used nodders by hanging them off your big metal belt buckle ?

And they're called beefies over here, "spammies" not nodders.


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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 2:45 pm 
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Location: SAILING WITH ENYA
A masterful posting - sheer poetry from start to finish.

The soundtrack to this sexual debut, should John Hughes come back from the dead and fuggen film it, would never leave my Aiwa.

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Tue Jul 19, 2011 7:00 pm 
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The Tale of Blue Top Black Skirt

I was 16 and a darting machine. My darting prowess has relevance as the pub I played for (new league champs) was also part of the local discotheque and thus my position as a winning dart team member gained me a pass from the gorillas on the disco door. These same gorillas would later launch me down a flight of stairs head first but thats a tale for another day.

I'd spotted Blue Top Black Skirt (BTBS) a few times through my normally drug addled disco eyes. Always in the same blue top and black mini skirt. Base speed or a good E was always in supply. She was 18, had massive tits and thunder thighs. Long black hair. A well built woman but no flab in sight. The lads christened her BTBS after the 4th or 5th time we'd met up and she'd always had the same get up on.

We clinched one Friday night. Sloppy kissing and pilled up love buzz talk the order of the day.

Waiting outside (she had to get a taxi home) she pressed me up against the alleyway wall. I plunged the fingers in as she twanged my wang. All of a sudden she had one leg wrapped around me and was angling my wang towards her wet hole. "This is it misty, the moment you've been wanking about since you discovered your hard on". As the bell hit her flaps she pulled away, either the pills wore off or she was the worst prick tease in history.

I couldn't show my disappointment so agreed when she said we shouldn't keep going. I speed walked home with love and rage battliing for control of my brain.

I nailed her about two weeks later. Same scenario but with the bonus of a party after the disco and a spare bedroom to escape to. I remember I fumbled the rubber sheathing. It was pretty shite, id had better wanks but i was happy it was done.

I went out to the kitchen and nailed a line of base and stayed up for another couple of days. Only saw her once after that as we'd started going to the city centre. She still had the same blue top and black skirt on her. The dirty gypsy.

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 Post subject: Re: Your Virginity Losing Tales
 Post Posted: Wed Jul 20, 2011 9:26 am 
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Mills and Boon eat your heart out...


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